Married 20 Years, Divorced 2 Weeks
- lesliecochrane99
- May 15, 2023
- 2 min read
Making The Next Season a Bountiful Season
Did You Know by Leslie Cochrane, LPC at CochraneCounseling.com
Not all that long ago you were making retirement plans with your spouse. 'Would we down size, move closer to the kids, or finally start all the travel we had put off?' Suddenly you’re divorced, facing the challenge of loneliness, isolation, guilt, grief, and financial hardship. Family members are either distant because they don't want to take sides, or too close because they want to fix things for you. Most of the friends you have are married couples and you feel like a third wheel. You are overwhelmed with what to do next and having difficulty with trusting your decisions.
Sounds like an overwhelming situation but there is hope for a brighter future. To begin your better days you can start with learning to like yourself and spending time alone. You have not spent much time alone and it is new territory for you. Look upon it as an adventure to get to know yourself again, and to try some new things. Spending some time alone with God can be a big bonus during this time. When the time is right to develop a new relationship, it will be much better because you will be happy with yourself and won't settle.
Another step in the right direction is to practice self care to recover from the divorce. The loss of the hopes and plans for your future are emotionally devastating and worthy of grieving. You may be feeling a roller coaster of emotions which create fatigue and confusion. Caring for your physical self will be very helpful as will caring for your emotional self. Self care includes spiritual connection, physical exercise, balanced schedule, healthy eating, practicing enjoyable hobbies, and having some healthy fun.
What you must avoid is losing self-respect, negative relationships with your children, and numbing your emotions with alcohol, sex, drugs, food, and shopping. Those unhealthy behaviors can turn into habits which create more challenges for you. Who needs more challenges?
If you feel that you need an unbiased person to talk with then you can find a counselor who you feel comfortable with. A counselor can help you to move forward to develop balanced emotions and explore strategies to use outside of individual counseling such as joining a support group, connecting with a financial planner, and building a circle of supportive and encouraging friends. There are plenty of simple, cost effective, positive activities that can help you start the journey forward to a joyful, balanced life.
